I was invited to Kathy’s “In His Presence” meetings by a girlfriend of mine. She knew I was looking for something more and boy did I get it!!
When I walked into Kathy’s house that first day, I was lost and hungry. I was looking for something that I could not quite put my finger on. Something that was lacking from my daily walk with the Lord. Something that I felt that was holding me back, just out of the reach of Jesus. I was looking for God’s presence.
After several times attending “In His Presence” and loving the freeness and openness of the atmosphere, loving the presence of God in her home. I started having her and her awesome team pray over me. I remember how it felt, like chains were just falling off of me that have been there for years. Chains of unforgiveness, chains of bitterness, shackles of anxiety. I remember going home after the meetings and telling my husband about what had happened that day, how God made me see things that I have never seen, how He convicted my heart- always in a gentle loving way, how God had put Kathy and her ministry into my life. He would get excited to hear every week what changes God had in store for me. I was blossoming right in front of his face! After a few months I still felt something was missing, something was blocking me from completely getting into His presence.
Then one day, Kathy and her team were talking about deliverance. I did not know what that was, but I could almost feel God’s hand on my back, gently pushing me to go up and ask. I had to fill out some paperwork about my past, what hurtful things had happened to me, what hurtful things are still hurting me. I filled it out and sent it in. An appointment was made. I was not sure what to expect that day. We had an awesome session. Kathy had prayed over my paperwork the past two weeks and God was able to reveal a lot of trauma in my past. Which I still was carrying in the present.
I put on the paperwork that I was dealing with anger issues. I could explode on a moments notice. I would yell, slam doors, scream out profanity, and throw things. I was scaring my children so much that anytime I would get mad, they would run and hide. My oldest daughter said to me one time “Mom, you are scaring me!” I am a fun loving, easy going person, and always have a smile on my face. Until you make me mad. I was like a whole other person; it was like I would have an outer body experience when I would throw these fits. I would just sit back and watch this “person” and wonder who she was.
After my deliverance session, it was like a huge weight was lifted off of me, forget the chains! I mean it was like a truck was sitting on my chest, suffocating me! Since then, the whole house has changed. I have not had a major blow up and when I do get upset, I pray first and ask for God's guidance. No more walking on eggshells wondering if mom is going to explode.
I also had a control issue. Things had to be “my way or the highway”. If they weren’t I would get mad, as mentioned above, I would withhold affection, I would withhold attention. I would become very cold and distant. “They are wrong! Why can’t they see things the way I see them, I know better than them!” I’m always right! Well, come to find out, I’m not. And I am ok with that. Life is not all about me and what I want. God has opened my eyes to see the selfishness in me and what that does to the people around me. He has given me a servant attitude.
As a young child I was sexually abused by my best friend’s dad. Actually we both were, at the same time. He used to make us do things to him and each other. He would take pictures of us. At that time in my life, so much was going on, my parents just got divorced, my mom moved away. I was hurt and lonely. My best friend to me was love, safety and security. I guess when all that was happening, I made it out to be that way and not a horrible act. Although, since then I have forgiven him, that time in my life left remnants of anger, bitterness, self esteem issues and not being able to trust God.
In my deliverance session, they took the spirit of perversion off of me. In the past, I would do things with men to get love and attention. I would look to them for acceptance. Afterwards, I would feel emptier inside then when I started. When the men stopped doing it for me, I turned to pornography. I loved to watch it! I would love the way it would make me feel. I loved that I didn’t need a man to make me feel that way. This is just not a man’s problem. Women share this as well. I would still watch it after I became a Christian, I figured it wasn’t hurting anybody. But then, and only after my deliverance, I thought about how God would feel about it. I thought about how I would feel if I knew my husband was watching it. How I felt when my ex- husband watched it. But that goes back to my selfishness, it’s right when I do it, it’s wrong if they do.
Just because you are a Christian, you read your Bible, you go to Bible studies, it doesn't mean you are free from the evil spirits that bind you. I never realized most of the things that I still did or was still saying. I encourage you to go through a deliverance session. I encourage you to ask God to purify you, to show you what is impure in your heart, and then do it when He tells you. I have gone through a second deliverance with her as well. Just to finish cleaning out my heart, softening up my heart to allow God’s word in. Nothing compares to God’s love.
Over this past summer, I had been struggling with digestive problems, I had been praying, my husband had been praying and I had consulted a doctor as well. One day at the meeting, Kathy had announced that God had said a few people had needed healing and she wanted them to come forward. For some reason that day, when I walked in, God’s presence was so strong that I was too deep in worship and did not hear what she had said. But she kept saying, there’s someone left, who needs healing. The last time I heard her and stepped forward. I remember her saying “It’s about time, you were one of the first ones I was told about.” I had never mentioned my stomach problems to her. She did not know, but God did. Kathy and her team gathered around me, they laid hands on me, they prayed in the knowing and in the spirit. I could feel my body temperature rising, I could feel the heat from their hands and the sickness fleeing from my body. Since that day, I have not had one symptom, and all the pain was gone.
Over the past few months the relationship with my husband has changed, he feels more confident in confiding in me and sharing his feelings. My kids are more loving towards me, we have a closer relationship and they respect me out of love, not fear.
We all agree that we are thankful that God has come into my life and more importantly that I have given my life to God. And I know that they are thankful for my relationship with Kathy and her team.